The other night, I laid down to sleep at the end of the day feeling defeated. I had let another day go by where I had succumbed to the trap of ‘busy’.

I really love being productive. It’s kind of addicting to me sometimes, and in all I do, I endeavor to fill my days with purpose in my every pursuit. But as a result, I often go to bed plagued with the guilt of not being still.

Of. Not. Being. Mary.

One night, I was feeling rather sorry for myself, and told myself ‘I’m just Martha. I want so badly to be Mary, but I’ll always be Martha. I want to be the one sitting so peaceful and still at Jesus’ feet, but I guess I’ll always fall short. I feel like I don’t know how to be anything but Martha.”

Martha, Martha, Martha.

I was saying it to the Lord and myself as a bit of an insult. In Christian-girl world, being ‘Martha’ may be relatable, but it isn’t really a compliment. In my self-pity, no sooner had the words come out of my heart than the Lord quickly spoke back, in a way only He can—so patient and comforting in my wallowing, while also not giving me the satisfaction of letting me stay in it—and He said “but Martha was in the house.”

Sometimes being Martha makes me feel like I’m standing on the outskirts of the crowd as Jesus speaks, so much further away from Him than those still souls close to His feet.

Yet the Lord reminded me that while the kitchen is truly further away from Jesus than the living room floor, that town was filled with both men and women passing to and fro all around that house, seeing to their own business, without being close at all to the Messiah who sat inside; that town was filled with women much further away from Jesus than the kitchen.

He quickly reminded me that of all the women in the area at that time, Martha was surely not one on the outskirts. So few women seemed to have her kind of access to Jesus, and Martha was one of the few who did. She may have not been perfect in eliminating distractions from her life, but she did make Jesus a priority. She was still such a woman of character and valor that she warranted His close acquaintance and friendship.

She may not have been in the living room where was best for her, but she was in the house, which was certainly much better than many other places in the town she could’ve been that day. We don’t give Martha enough credit—she may have gotten some things wrong, but she still got a lot right. She may have lacked a few things in her heart—but she was still close enough to Jesus that she could hear His instruction and get back on track. The women passing by in the streets were too far to even be able to hear that.

The super-Proverbs-31-woman is not someone who lacks things to do with her day. She is described as a woman—in a man’s world no less—who spends her days buying, selling, mending. She is certainly not someone who is idle or continually still. She sounds like a person who doesn’t often have a fully checked-off to-do list on their nightstand at the end of the day either. In that way, she sounds like someone to whom I can actually relate, unlike the unattainable woman she is often described. She is a woman the Bible details as deserving of honor and respect for her labors.

I may not be a great stitcher or cook for that matter, but I do find it encouraging that a woman so accomplished is not thwarted in her efforts,  but rather encouraged—provided that her heart be unto the Lord and serving others in all she does.

Mary is the goal, but Martha is not a defeat.

God needs women who work hard and serve with all diligence. He just also needs us to combine it with a heart that will obey and be still when He speaks. A heart that does take the time to listen. They work together in beautiful harmony—rather than two unconnected notes in discord.

In this comparison, I find freedom rather than condemnation, and the encouragement to achieve great things for God. To my Mary friends who can’t relate—us Martha’s do envy you. But to my Martha’s out there who dream of being still while they hustle for Jesus—the next time you are tempted to feel discouraged, remind yourself that He made you so complex and delights in the many amazing things you can accomplish, with His hand guiding your way.

Work hard. Pursue valiantly. Like Prov 31:18 MSG, sense the worth of your labors. Then be intentional about taking moments to pause and listen to His voice.

Lastly, accept the guilt-free and fulfilling rest God gives His beloved, you burner of midnight oil…Tomorrow awaits.